The NRC is sinking

You may be wondering what I am doing here in Germany. The next few posts will describe the events that led up to this year in Bonn. I will try to keep a chipper tone, but some things can't be glossed over. I will get back to posting pictures of quaint things in a few days.

When the announcement was made in the spring of 2009 by the then-President of the NRC Pierre Coulombe that the budget of NRC-CISTI was to be cut by 70% starting in the 2010-11 fiscal year, I held out hope that that this would be more a "right-sizing" than a clumsy bloodletting. At the time, CISTI was largely staffed by aging Boomers who had hung around the place since the late 1970s. Some did great work and were open to new ideas. Others were biding their time and just wanted to keep doing the same routine for a few more years. A handful were blatant slackers who spent all day chatting and smoking on the loading dock. In short, it was a sizeable bureaucracy that I thought would benefit from some fat-trimming. Regardless of what I thought could be done to transform the cumbersome CISTI is another matter. This deep cut was emblematic of the NRC executives' shallow management. Having to find some tens of millions to save they chose to gut an easy target: the library. (Who needs it anyways? It's just a place to store books, right?)

Of course I also made backup plans. The day that the new org-chart was released in October of 2009 (with my name not on it, along with 200 others similarly pink-slipped), I also received a call from H-R that I had won the competition for the position of Business and Planning Officer. Same fantastic salary, different building, and a more high-level approach to the measurement of science. Now I would work at the head office of the NRC, ostensibly using innovation metrics to track the efficiency and performance of the NRC against similar organizations. To use a nautical metaphor, I walked the plank from a sinking ship onto a safe one.

Unfortunately what I found was a ship of fools.

Flitting from meeting to meeting, never having the time to read more than the executive summary of any report (no doubt because it won't fit on the screen of their BlackBerrys), the upper management did not seem to even be aware that there is an entire field of study on how to measure and manage innovation. They were under the gun to cut costs and were hampered by the Balkanized internal culture of the NRC in which each research institute is fiercely independent. Objective metrics of research performance be damned: How much money did we make?

The crazy thing is that we did not know. As the Planning and Business Officer, it was my job to liase with the Finance department and turn their numbers into pretty pie-charts for the bosses. You see, the NRC's Finance department and the vast computerized accounting system they use is designed to keep Treasury Board happy. It is of little use for internal management ("Who's our biggest client in Manitoba?" is almost impossible to answer). In the end, there was only one guy in Finance who knew how to generate accurate figures. Then he stopped answering my emails because the number of such questions from management is infinite.

You know it's time to quit when the daily Dilbert cartoon is an accurate reflection of the day to come.

Less than a year ago Pierre Coulombe was replaced by some guy well past retirement age...from Alberta. While he no doubt has plenty of qualifications, I am sure that Stephen Harper only asked how handy he is with an axe. During my final month at the NRC, 'Paul Bunyan' commanded the executive to develop a new research strategy for the NRC that fit into 6 hot-topic "themes", and to do it all in 3 weeks.

Now by this point I had grown accustomed to being re-assigned to "top priority" projects every couple of weeks because my boss suffered from ADHD. But to see the entire upper management drop everything and launch a frantic series of meetings was something else. Vice-Presidents with careers spanning 30 years pulling all-nighters. Directors-General trying to invent some scheme that would save their institute. Nobody but me seemed to see the absurdity of the task: to select research projects based on how much money they will earn "for Canada" at some point in the future. Besides the vague parameters of the question, the underlying premise that one can predict how much money one will make in industries that do not yet exist based on research that has yet to be done is a feat of divination based on a foundation of guesswork, all performed in the dark.

I began to detect the strong odour of smoke once again coming from the forecastle.

Now...where's that plank?

Niedrigwasser

Just a short post today. I'm working on a more extensive series of posts that will explain how I got here and what I am doing. It was a rainy weekend but we went for a walk by the Rhine anyways. Remember that a couple of weeks ago the river had risen over its banks and had caused some flooding? There was a picture of a sign saying "HOCHWASSER". Well, here is another photo taken from the same spot. You will see the boats are much lower now and the little beer-garden is open for business.

Christine got to ride the big orange bike. It ain't fast, but with 28-inch wheels and high handlebars, it's got a regal ride.

Karnaval on TV

I am not even going to try to explain what is going on on my TV because I don't understand it myself. First some background: Sometime in February (specifically calculated as some day before some Special Tuesday in the Christian calendar) many cities in Germany celebrate something with a Karneval (which means "Carnival", Einstein). This may have something to do with Mardi Gras, although I did not realize that that particular Tuesday also occurred in Europe (what with daylight savings and all).

Although we are still in January, it seems that preparations for this time-honoured tradition in which Germans pretend they are in New Orleans have already started. There is some strange ceremony on TV right now in which the folks on stage are dressed like the Jack of Diamonds:

Everyone is handing the microphones back and forth, declaring the start of festivities, etc. The audience/banquet-crowd of old people stands and claps. I swear I could be in Japan and would understand more. Anyways, this festival is called "Fashing" in some parts of Germany and "Karneval" in others (Big schism between those who call it one and not the other, apparently). My colleagues poo-poo the Bonn Karneval as being too prim & proper and encourage me to see the "real" one in Koln with its full-on debauchery. Everyone dresses up in a costume and participates in assorted revelry. There may be beer involved.

Corporate food

Most days a bunch of us from iFQ walk down the street to the Wissenschaftzentrum (Research centre) for lunch.

I am not entirely sure what goes on there: it has variously been explained to me as a conference centre as well as a quasi-governmental science-funding body (like NSERC in Canada). Anyways, it has a big cafeteria. It's the closest, cheapest place to eat. I noticed on only my second time there that the cafeteria is run by...

You have probably never heard of this company, but it is one of the largest food-solution providers in the world. They run the kitchens for the US Marines. They are currently providing sustenance for the entire Paris-Dakar race event (which, for reasons I won't get into, does not run between Paris and Dakar). And they used to run the cafeterias at the NRC back in Ottawa.* The funny thing is that despite the fact Sodexo is a French company, it produces some very bland food. Everything else about it is great: It is efficiently prepared, with both a protein and a starchy item to provide a nutritionally balanced meal. The menu varies from day to day, and it certainly reads well (as much as I can understand the German ingredients). Yet it lacks flavour just as the food back at the old NRC did. Amazing how a corporation can engineer freshly-prepared food to taste the same all around the world. 

* = Before the bean-counters found an even cheaper company to feed us. Gone were the salads and varied menus of a multi-national. Replaced by well-meaning, but mentally-challenged burger-flippers who grudgingly offered an assortment of oily muffins and mystery meat.

Jack Reimec

In the US they have REI, in Westboro the Bridgeheads are full of yuppies decked out in MEC wear. In Quebec hipsters on the Plateau must wear a Kanuk coat to be correctly fashionable. Here in Germany, it's all Jack Wolfskin. The logo is omnipresent on backpacks, winter coats, and fleece pullovers. The paw print really makes it clear that you know how to get dirty.

It strikes me as a rediculous name, conceived to leverage a stereotype of what an outdoorsy person should be called. Sort of like the ubiquitous faux-Irish pubs (Grace O'Malley's, D'Arcy McGee's, etc. Taken to its logical extreme, why not open one called Micky O'McMickey's ?). Despite this being the most pleasant, orderly, and clean country I have ever visited, many people on the tram are dressed as if they are preparing for a weekend of camping in the (probably very clean) forest.

Bike to work day

Today I bicycled to work. The apartment/hotel where I am staying has a pair of orange single-speed workhorses for residents to use. It is even quicker than taking the tram. The ride home only took 10 minutes.

Here I am behind the building in which I work.

And here is some fun graffiti on the way to work. It is rare to find decent graffiti that displays a bit of creativity. The rest of the urban surfaces are covered in scribbled tags.

Vibración

Yesterday we went to the Bundeskunsthalle ("Federal art hall") to check out an exhibit of 20th-century Latin American art.

The exhibit is a selection from the Ella Fontanals-Cisneros Collection and covers modernist art from the 1930s up to the 70s. It is the kind of art I grew up looking at as a kid in Montreal, so I am familiar with the styles and evolution of the genre. I particularly liked the sculpture and some of the works that employed moiré visual-effects.

It was another lovely day. We took the bus past the large Rheinaue park that stretches halfway down the West bank of the river. Tons of people were out enjoying the sunny day, walking their dogs, riding bicycles, etc. At the back of the bus a Bonn resident was doing the tour-guide thing for a visiting friend and described how "in the winter, there is a skating rink in the park where many people like to skate". Christine and I have heard this old yarn a few times now and just rolled our eyes. Yes, yes; the winter (which must be quite harsh by all accounts) is coming any time now. But yesterday nobody was wearing gloves or hats. I even saw a guy in a T-shirt.

That being said, there was in fact a small outdoor artificial rink next to the art gallery (which must have been cooled by a small nuclear plant) and it was packed with (mostly young) folks going around in circles.

Habla Espanol!

One of the advantages of where we are living is that there are several places to eat within walking distance. Having already sampled the delicacies at Hallo Pizza! in the past, we went out for dinner yesterday evening at a real restaurant:

 

Nice little place, friendly staff, good house wine, etc. Plus, get this: they speak Spanish! What a treat to be able to communicate in a foreign language again (why couldn't I have found a job in Spain?). I had a delicious garlic-chicken dish. Christine had some eggplant tapas thingy. Arianne sat quietly in her stroller and looked around from behind her massive cheeks.

One thing I noticed that I thought was a little strange is that dogs are permitted in restaurants here. This would contravene every health & safety regulation in Canada, of course. Anyways, the dog was well-behaved. 

Max Planck

Photo taken on January 8th. Note the lack of snow and the preponderance of dried leaves. Sheesh: and they call this winter. 

Anyways, the sign next to the door indicates that this is the Max Planck Institute for Mathematics. The Max Planck institutes are a collection of a couple of dozen research labs in a range of hard sciences under the common Max Planck banner (he was a German physicist). Although some labs in the Max Planck 'consortium' are more prestigous than others, the organization is one of the major scientific forces in the world. I have read many academic papers written by folks at the Max Planck Instutute for Physics (which is located in a different city). So while it is not really the same thing, it's interesting by affiliation.

Sparkasse

This morning Christine and I each opened an account ("konto") at a local bank. Thankfuly a couple of young people there spoke English. I have no idea what I signed, but then again the fine print for opening a bank account back in Canada would be just as boring and confusing, so it doesn't really matter.

Although they have branches and ATMs all over the place, this is the actual branch we used. The only slightly strange thing is that you still get an account book (really just an empty cardboard folder) in which you keep all the paper bank-receipts and printouts.

Hochwasser in Rhine-Westphalia

"Hoch" means "high" and "wasser" means "water", so "Highwater".

The heavy snow before Christmas and the warm weather (and rain) of the past few days have swelled the Rhine. The water has risen so much that the road and bike path is completely submerged. The boats are floating way higher than their usual moorings (I think the gang-planks usually slope down). Christine's favourite café is in the arched door at the right, and that's flooded too. Nothing that affects us, but it's neat to walk down to the river and see what all the fuss on the news is about.

Strolling in Bonn on Saturday

Here's us in front of the statue of Beethoven. He was born a few blocks away in 1770. Note the small white thing on the grass at lower-right: that's a flower, happily growing away in January. Today was about +9 degrees and sunny. Lots of folks strolling around.

Typical houses in the market area. Shops on the first floor selling all sorts of stuff. 

Another square: the building has been decorated to look like a giant gingerbread house as part of the Christmas festivities (hence the large Christmas tree as well). I bought a nice shirt at H&M and we went for lunch at a typical German guesthouse/hotel. Thankfully the waiter was from California and we could order food with no surprises. Little Arianne was the centre of attention with her big googly eyes attracting warm smiles from passerby.

Free tickets!

This morning I went to the Rathaus (it means "House of rats")* to register as a resident. Apparently in continental Europe one must register as a resident of a town or city - you can't just move around unannounced (Of course in the U.K. this is not necessary as there are cameras all over the place, watching your every move). Registering has some advantages for census and taxation purposes, but it does seem like an intrusion of privacy.

After interacting with a fat clerical worker for a few minutes (and by 'interacting', I mean staring blankly after not understanding a thing she said), I was re-directed to the Bürgeramt ("Pit of hamburgers")§. Things went smoothly as they spoke English (or else I would still be there trying to read the forms) and 15 minutes later I was done.

As a welcome present, City Hall gave me three booklets (Christine and Arianne get one too) of free passes to galleries, theatres, concerts, guided tours, and museums. In all, each booklet contains 400 Euros worth of culture!

Although 1200 Euros of free events is a wonderful welcome, I am a bit disappointed that it contains no coupon for a visit to the Pit of Hamburgers.

* = Kidding, kidding! It really means "City Hall". 

§ = "Citizen's office" - almost fooled you that time!

Köln streetscene - bicycle and dogs

This fellow came to the café in Köln to get a coffee and pastry. His dogs waited patiently outside for a while and then wandered in to see what was taking so long. Maybe they wanted a pastry too.

The pedestrian street is part of a network that stretch for at least a kilometer. It is lined with shops of every sort. When I was there the last couple of days in December, the street was absolutely packed with people wandering around and shopping. Although I wouldn't want to navigate such crowds every day, it was great to be part of a social environment. Back in Ottawa the only time I would be part of such a crowd is in the checkout lines at Loblaws - then it's back in the car to stare at the bumper of the large pickup-truck in front of me (or - in the mirror - the one right behind me). Here there are people walking around, riding bicycles, etc. - even though it is cold and dark outside. Springtime should really bring the streets to life.

TWENTY CENTS?!

It has only been a week but Christine and I have located the local grociery stores and bakeries as required for provisions. Although the stores are quite small, the price of staples is very low. Milk, sugar, and other basics like eggs are rediculously inexpensive (I think I paid 0,29 euros for a kilo of sugar the other day - about 40 Canadian cents).

The most welcome surprise is that beer is also a food-staple. This half-litre can of Pilsener was only 0,39 euros (50 cents) - and that INCLUDES a 0,25 euro deposit for the can (At least I assume that's what "Gerwentzelstreiffenshaftsunderloshlüng" means. Could be mistaken.). So the beer itself cost me 0,14 euros (maybe 19 Canadian cents). That is just an unbelievable enticement to spend all day in the park guzzling suds and throwing empties at the pigeons (no - wait: two empties gets you a free beer).

And yet, strangely, nobody does that.

Kennedyallee



Statue of JFK in front of the iFQ building



The office building in which I work is located at the corner of Godesberger Allee and Kennedyallee. There is a statue of JFK on the corner. My office is on the 6th floor (second row from the top), and is seen here at the far end of the row of windows. 

Getting to work is a snap: I walk through the very posh neighbourhood of Bad Godesberg to the train/subway station, then take the tram three stops. It's fast and inexpensive. The tram stops right in front of the statue of JFK.

Bad Godesberg train station



Bad Godesberg Tower

The view to the South from the iFQ coffee room.

The view from the sixth floor of the iFQ offices. Winter is pretty mild here (damp and cloudy). A sprinkling of slushy snow fell overnight and gave the place a few touches of white.

Bad Godesberg tower

Today was my first day at the office. Everyone is very nice and the facilities are top-notch. It is great to be back in a research environment where people are motivated by ideas. Considering that my last job was in a beige cubicle, it is quite a treat to see a castle from the office window!

We took a high-speed train like this one from the Frankfurt airport to Cologne. It's as sleek inside as it is on the outside. A screen at the end of each wagon displays the next stop, time, and speed: I saw 194 km/h!

People have been talking about a high-speed train from Windsor to Quebec City for decades, but have made no progress. The biggest technical problem is not the snow, but that it would have to cross a provincial boundary, you see.

A

A bateau-mouche on the Rhine getting ready to host a New Year's Eve 2010 party. The train bridge is in the background. (Photo taken with my little Olympus u-5010 using a tripod and quarter-second exposure).

On the plane (an Air Canada Boeing 767) to Frankfurt. Arianne (AKA "Peanut") was fine most of the way but had a meltdown about an hour into the flight. Daddy made everything better. We have been really lucky: nobody caught a cold in the lead-up to the flight, and Peanut didn't have any problems with ear-pressurization.

The Dom cathedral in Koln (Cologne) seen on New Year's Eve 2010. Took 600 years to build it. From an architechtural point of view, I can best summarize the Dom as being both "big" as well as "very pointy". Our hotel is at the left.

Arrived in Bad Godesborg

Well, Christine, Arianne and I have arrived safely in Bad Godesborg (a swish suburb of Bonn). Just getting settled in, but it looks like everything is going to be fine. We`re staying at the Bonnhouse apartments for the next couple of months and maybe longer (you can see it at www.bonnhouse.de).

We`re a block west of the Rhine river in a neighbourhood that used to be full of embassies (when Bonn was the capital of Germany). Now the embassies are gone but the restaurants and cafes remain. There`s a pizza shop just up the street and I`ll use some of my excellent German skills there tomorrow ("Ein pizza, por favor!").

That`s all for now. Picutres coming soon.
-Jeffrey